What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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