i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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