I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
meet me or not, i'm out of control
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
