I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
