He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
