what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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