...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
