i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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