So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
