I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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