Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
