Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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