you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
