Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
