And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
