Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
