don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
