I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
