Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
