Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
