I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
