and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
