I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
