get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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