My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
