did you get engaged???
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
