i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
