Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
