the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
