She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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