I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
