and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
