Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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