im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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