These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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