Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
