I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
