I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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