i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
