life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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