what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I did not marry a roomba.
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