Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
