Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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