So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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