She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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