He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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