Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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