i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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