you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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