we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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