I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
