I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
