Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
