they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
