I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
