I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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