my phone needs a breathalizer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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