How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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