I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked a lego.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
