Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
