My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
