no, he came in my armpit
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
