enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
