There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
