if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
