Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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