what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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