roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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