So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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