Need sex. Gaining weight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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