I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
