If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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