you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
