considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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