i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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