went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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