Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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