he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
