just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
