After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize